Are you a villian?
You are the villain in someone’s story. And someone is the villain in your story.
When someone starts to distrust you, assume the worst about you, or paint you as a villain — let them. You won’t be able to change their mind. If you try, chances are you will come across as being defensive or insulted and that will just make it worse. You cannot tell someone else how they should feel — they have the right to process in their own way and time.
When you begin to assume the worst about someone, ask yourself if you really have all the facts. Ask yourself why you are putting all of your focus on what they did or didn’t do. Where is this coming from? What else is going on? Is this triggering an old hurt that you have? Have you communicated well? Have you listened well?
When someone assumes the worst about you, it sucks. I’ve been on the receiving end a few times, whether it was coming from someone close to me or someone I work with. I feel angry and hurt and defensive when someone assumes the worst about me. But the truth is, I’ve done the same thing to others.
I’ve assumed the worst about someone else without having all the facts or trying to understand the situation from their perspective. I’ve painted someone else as the villain from my own triggered pain. That sucks, because it always results in a damaged relationship.
It’s always going to be easier to paint someone else as the villain of the story than to sit with the broken parts of yourself. —MEG DELAGRANGE
If reading this makes you feel uncomfortable, that is your inner signal to step into a beautiful opportunity of growth — the opportunity to self-reflect, bless and release, and heal.
Apologize as needed.
Don’t beat yourself up.
Give yourself grace and give others grace.
Focus on what you can change, not on what you have no control over.
Make better boundaries.
Trust that the truth ALWAYS comes out in the end.
It’s pretty simple. There are no villains — just humans. Beautifully broken. Beautifully different. Beautifully trying. Beautifully right and beautifully wrong at the same time. Humans. Humans who don’t always get it right. Humans who are right but do it the wrong way. Humans who do something wrong to get to a “right”, and humans who are so wounded that they don’t have perspective on what they’re doing wrong. Humans who know deep down that they were wrong, but they’re not brave enough to admit it yet.
We are each responsible for our own lives — you can’t be anyone’s savior and no one can be yours. It’s always going to be easier to shift blame than to take responsibility for your own happiness. It’s always going to seem easier to let people use you as a doormat instead of having proper boundaries. It’s even going to seem easier to stay in toxicity than walking away. It’s always going to be easier to compare yourself to someone else than to do the work to reach your own goals.
We’ve all taken a turn at being the villain. Now it’s time to heal and grow. Are you with me?
