Are you playing a losing game?

It all started with the game of Battleship. A game we loved to play, her and I. We’d gather our tiny ships and arrange them on our individual hidden seascapes before taking our pins and shooting out sequences that aimed to hit and sink each other’s ships. The goal of the game was to sink her fleet before she sunk mine.

Have you ever played the game of Battleship?

As adults, we played that game again in real life… we began to see each other as opponents, not two women on the same team. We started taking shots at each other’s ships - identity, creativity, expression, self-worth...

But this time… no one won. We both lost.

When I witness toxicity, in myself or others, it always ends the same way — in bitterness and misplaced blame and hurt and scorched ships. No one wins. Ever. It starts with unhealed hurt that typically leads to uncommunicated expectations and a lack of boundaries which finally leads to resentment and burnout.

I've watched this cycle happen over and over in my life until I finally became aware of what was happening. Of course, it could all have been avoided, but I’m human. You’re human. We’re human. It's bound to happen to all of us at some point and the point of this post is not for shame, but for the sake of self-awareness and a lesson learned.

The next time you are ready to hit “send” after pounding all of your resentful feelings into that keyboard to “prove your point” or to be “heard”, pause. The next time you have a strong reaction to something you read or hear, pause. The next time you are offended, pause.

Pause and gain perspective. Pause and set a better boundary, with love. When you’re the most sure of being “right”, that’s often a clue that your ego may be the captain of your ship instead of Love. Healing changes your perspective. Boundaries create healthy relationships.

There is no "arrival", but rather we're invited to an ongoing process of growth. Every day brings new mercy with it, thank God for that.