A Lesson about Friendship from Trees

Last year I stayed in Germany’s beautiful Bavarian region for two weeks. I took a long walk through the Black Forest every day, often wandering for hours.

Sometimes it was a new trail, sometimes it was one that I’d taken before. It was repetitive and slow, and some people might not choose to spend a chunk of their summer in Europe by wandering through trees. But I did. And it’s still my favorite memory of the whole summer.

The forest was a sacred church for my soul. It was pleasantly cool, flavored with the scents of the earth. The trees gently waved their branches in worship, and sometimes they whispered to me. The simplicity of the atmosphere nurtured me.

Many of the times spent in the forest feel too sacred to share, but there is one thing that I learned from the trees that might help you. It’s a lesson from the trees about friendships.

You see, trees need each other. When multiple trees are grouped together, they create forests such as the one I wandered through in Germany. Forests have been sanctuaries for wildlife and humans for centuries. Trees keep larger areas of the air fresh and they are stronger when they are together.

But, like any of us, trees still need space.

Trees can’t grow as big as they have the potential to grow when they are planted too close together.

Trees don’t start out with the intention to keep another tree small. But a lack of good boundaries and reciprocal communication within their root systems and the earth slows down their growth. It causes a type of suffocation/starvation/diminishing effect to slowly start to happen. Trees that are planted too close together will still grow and live, but they won’t fully thrive.

It’s healthy to put some space between yourself and the “trees” that are keeping you small. That way both of you will have the opportunity to be healthier.

If it’s time for you to create space in a friendship or even walk away completely, know that it will feel pretty confusing. And it might look messy. And you won’t be understood, nor will you understand them. But trust the process of separation. It’s for the best.

It’s like putting paint colors on a palette. Sometimes you can put two or three paint colors close together and they’ll mix beautifully in the areas where they’re touching. But there are other colors that simply can’t be put beside each other because they will turn into a muddy, tasteless color when they mix with each other directly. And yet, all of the colors are used in the painting. All of the colors have a purpose. We need all of the colors to live in color!

When people take space from you, don’t take it personally. It has nothing to do with you — they are on their own growth journey.

Let them go. Let them grow.

P.S. For everyone in my life who has needed to take space from me in order to grow more efficiently, I’m grateful that you had that insight for yourself. Blessings.

Inspired by a teaching from Dr. Caroline Leaf