Just Make It Stop: Break the Toxic Cycle

To make it work, I would always make everything my fault. To make it succeed, I would carry all the responsibility.

Have you ever done that? Can you relate?

To be honest, I didn’t even realize that I was doing this. I wasn’t aware of what was happening. I was raised this way, programmed to always take the blame. Those around me were unknowingly living from their own wounds of childhood trauma and toxic religious conditioning, and so the vicious cycle was just continuing.

But now the cycle STOPS with me.

It stops every time I say no when something doesn’t feel right or even just because I can. I’m learning to say “No” — just because I can.

It stops every time I heal some more.

It stops every time I stop patronizing people — because that’s lying.

It stops every time I choose to forgive, without justifying abuse.

It stops every time I stop making myself responsible for someone else’s success or someone else’s happiness.

It stops every time I take ownership of my own journey.

It stops every time I make a better boundary.

It stops every time I choose to love myself and learn a hard lesson, refusing to shame myself.

It stops every time I take responsibility for my own happiness.

It stops every time I soak in the infallible Word — Jesus Christ — fueling my soul with Truth.

It stops every time I speak up and tell the truth without being passive-aggressive, regardless of whether my feelings or needs are validated by others.

It stops every time I choose to put my ego aside and choose to see others through the heart of compassion.

It stops every time I stop bringing my chair and trying to force it to fit at a table that’s not open to having me there, releasing those people from needing to include me, like me, or approve of me. (What a relief when we finally stop pretending to get along just to keep up appearances— LIFE IS TOO SHORT FOR THAT, just go be free!!!)

It stops every time I go take a walk outside and notice the GOODNESS that’s all around me.

It stops every time I say YES to a new opportunity that scares the freaking frack out of me.

It stops every time I surrender and open myself to the God-given opportunities right in front of me.

FRIEND, THE CYCLES OF DYSFUNCTION CAN STOP WITH YOU, TOO.

The snarky bitterness that was passed down to you from a bitter mother who couldn’t forgive or let go of control? It stops with you.

The way you carry everyone else’s pain, let others use you like a doormat, and can never say NO because of a narcissistic or controlling family environment? It stops with you.

The judgment that you self-righteously place on others because of the strict perfectionism that was placed on you by a privately tormented dad? It stops with you. 

The crippling stinginess or jealousy that runs your life because of the mindset of lack that you grew up with? It stops with you.

The way you betrayed yourself to get people to be friends with you, because it’s felt like you were always on the outside? It stops with you. Be your own best friend.

What’s one thing you can do today to heal and make a better boundary? Just start there.

What would you add to this list for yourself? Let’s grow.